I'll See the Stars
by LittleGreenWoman
Summary: A backstory for my earthborn infiltrator femshep Riley Shepard, the same character I use in my other story, The Missing Piece. WARNING: This story has themes of child abuse/sexual abuse. Nothing explicit but merits a heads-up.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Mass effect does not belong to me. I'm only borrowing to gleefully make stuff up.**

* * *

The girl, 16, took confident steps towards the woman with an air of pride.

She looked more like a young boy; tall and athletic with very short copper hair. Her clothes were gray like her eyes, and she was wearing a smug grin.

As she walked the other kids made way for her; some out of fear and some out of grudging respect.

Muttered curses reached her ears, but she couldn't have cared less.

She stopped in front of the woman, hands behind her back.

"It's done," she said.

Lilith's red painted lips curved into a smile. She was a beautiful woman with long raven hair, dark eyes, high cheeks and full lips; a beauty that made the girl feel out of place around her.

"My little thug," said Lilith as she reached out and stroked her hand, almost with compassion. "Well done, as always." She patted the chair beside her. "Come, sit with me."

The girl, Riley, obeyed.

She was aware of the jealous looks, but no one in the gang would dare challenge her, not after the incident with "turian" Pete, who'd made the mistake of groping her and lost two fingers.

"Now, tell me the details," commanded Lilith with a sweet smile.

When Lilith had assumed the leadership of the Tenth Street Reds seven years back; it had been nothing more than a bunch of street thugs. She'd turned it into something a little more organized, hand picking the kids to mold and shape as she saw fit. She had a large pool to choose from, since there was never a shortage of poverty driven children on Earth.

Riley Shepard was one of those children, and she was a survivor if nothing else. Running with the Reds was a way to survive.

But it was Lilith who drew her in and kept her around, a moth to a flame.

Lilith taught her, punished her and rewarded her. She paid attention.

Riley wouldn't admit it; not even to herself; but she craved that attention and consciously or not, she strived for it.

Twisted as it was, the woman was more of a guardian to her than any social worker or foster family ever had been.

A mother figure, albeit distorted.

* * *

When the newborn baby Doe was found half starved in a junkyard screaming at the top of her lungs, no one at the hospital where she was brought believed she would pull through. But against all odds the baby; named Riley Shepard from a list; survived.

Adoption at that time only happened in the vids; gene therapy had stopped infertility from being an issue long ago except for some rare cases. And as far as the children on the streets were concerned, rich people with hearts of gold were a myth.

Abandoned children, if the system knew about them, were placed in foster homes and forgotten until they caused trouble.

Riley Shepard was no exception.

Life in the foster care had its ups and downs; ups mostly being left alone. Not all of the people at those homes were evil as such, though she'd met one or two; but none of the people Riley had stayed with had any compassion or kindness either.

She had grown to be resourceful enough to stir just the amount of trouble to get herself relocated in case someone touched her the wrong way, and she considered herself lucky that she at least learned to avoid that particular brand of hell.

Riley kept to herself, trying not to be noticed by the older kids whose idea of fun was picking on the little ones, but not because she was scared.

The shock and the terror of getting hit had dulled as she learned to escape herself while it happened, to a place where she could feel no pain, where she could feel nothing at all.

Being locked in small dark spaces wasn't much trouble anymore, after she'd gotten over the fear of being forgotten there. Now she saw the punishment as an opportunity to sleep undisturbed, and she could handle the cramps after.

Hunger was the worst. It hurt, and it burned not only in her stomach but also in her heart; but in time she'd learned how not to cry.

A broken bone would heal, a door could be broken down, and she would survive; one way or the other.

No, she wasn't scared at all.

She hid because the real trouble came when she showed her teeth.

Once she'd made the mistake of shielding a younger girl from getting roughed up; and all she had gained was that little girl's hatred, who was denied dinner for days.

She'd learned to read people on her own, but the fear of others being punished to teach _her_ a lesson was what taught her when to tread carefully and when to disappear.

So she kept herself from meddling and accepted the fact that she was looking for justice in the wrong place.

In Riley's world where everything was so scarce, things like friendship, love, justice, trust were empty words; she had nothing to fill them with.

But then Matt came into her life.

She was 11 when he arrived; a blonde boy with a thin, girlish face and a distant look in his eyes. He was maybe a year older as far as Riley could tell.

The boy hardly spoke a word and he was so pale that Riley felt that he'd fade away and eventually disappear.

About a month after his arrival, out of the blue, he startled Riley when he sat next to her in the backyard.

He fixed his eyes on hers face, looking at her as if he was trying to read her mind.

"Leave me alone," Riley grumbled. "What do you want?"

The boy took something out of his pocket and put it in her lap. It was a toy Alliance frigate.

"Toys are for babies," she said giving it back, but the boy put it in her lap again.

"What are you, and idiot?" asked Riley, pushing him. The boy pushed her back and smiled. The girl gave him an angry look, got up and ran away, agitated and confused.

The next day Matt approached her again as she was doing her chores. He tugged at her shirt and she punched him.

For two months the boy followed Riley around with a peculiar determination, keeping her silent company after she gave up on chasing him away.

She was annoyed at first, but she got used to his presence after a while, and as time passed by she began liking it. Matt comforted her in a way she hadn't experienced before, making her feel not so on her own.

Still she resisted interacting with him, afraid of all kinds of things that could happen if she showed weakness. What if this was a joke he'd planned? What if she held out a hand and he laughed at him? What if she depended on him and he betrayed her for a favor from another?

But what if he was just a boy, as lonely as she was, reaching out?

It was a crisp but sunny day, and they were lying on the grass by the river half a mile from the house. She turned her head to look at the boy, who had his hands clasped behind his head, watching the clouds.

Riley picked up the toy ship between them off the ground and turned it around in her hand, which caught Matt's attention.

She whirled it in the air.

"This is Captain Riley Shepard of SSV Sparrowhawk," she said, looking at the boy to see his reaction. Matt's eyes gleamed as he straightened up and smiled wide.

"We're under attack by an unidentified ship!" she continued. "We suspect it's the…" she paused to think and Matt nudged her, pointing in the direction of the house.

She giggled. "It's the pirate ship Joseph Murray!" she said, naming the imaginary enemy after their foster father.

She sat up.

"Ready the weapons Matt! We're taking down these pirates once and for all!"

Matt saluted and Riley's laughter rang in her own ears like a stranger's.

She couldn't sleep that night. A warm and unfamiliar feeling kept her awake and she felt like crying even though she didn't feel sad at all. She wanted the morning to come soon, because she couldn't wait to see him, to laugh with him again.

For the first time in her life, Riley had something to look forward to.

* * *

Riley Shepard, 13, stood face to face with a girl twice her size.

Blood trickled from her split open brow to her mouth, and she was clutching her shoulder.

"Give it back," she hissed.

The older girl laughed, taunting her with the drawing she was holding.

"Make me," she said.

Riley shot Matt a glance, who was on the ground trying to catch his breath.

Her anger grew hotter, boiling her blood.

Picking up a rock from the ground, she charged at the girl and smashed it against her knee. When the girl lost her balance and fell on her knees Riley jumped on her, hitting and clawing and biting like a wild animal.

She left the girl on the ground crying and helped Matt up, the bloodied drawing in her hand and a victorious smile on her face.

That night when they snuck out like they always did, Matt put some gel on her brow as she rested her head on his lap.

"It wasn't worth it," he said. "It was a crappy picture anyway."

"She hit you," Riley said, as if it explained everything.

"Forget the drawing; we'll see the real thing one day. The stars, the planets, the whole universe."

"Yeah," she said. "We already have a ship."

Matt laughed and stroked her hair.

Two weeks later, he was gone.

Riley was inconsolable; not that anyone was trying to console her. She didn't want to believe that anything bad had happened, but she'd seen enough to know it couldn't have been anything good.

"That pervert who killed his mother and kept him for years," Joseph said during breakfast, as casual as if he were talking about the weather. "I bet he found and silenced him."

Riley threw a plate at him, and was locked inside the wardrobe for the rest of the day.

She cried bitter tears, blaming herself for not knowing Matt's story, thinking she could have protected him if she did, blaming the foster parents and the system for not taking better care of him.

When they let her out, she was so out of it that the foster father felt the need to say something.

"Cut it off," he said, towering over her. "What that kid's been through, he'd be better off dead anyway."

Riley stayed silent, but she looked him in the eye with all the hatred she'd piled up over the years, making the man shudder.

Next day she snuck into his bedroom, stole the money and the pistol stashed under the floorboard and ran.

The only thing she took with her other than those was the toy ship.

* * *

Riley crawled out of the duct she was hiding at the shopping center she'd been frequenting. She'd cased the place long enough and tonight she was expecting for her hard work to pay off.

She took light, silent steps as she snuck past the security cameras to enter another duct that lead to a storage room.

Rummaging through the crates, she exhaled with relief when she found the one labelled "Aldrin Labs".

She opened her bag to equip the tool made from scrap parts and hacked the box's lock. She got mild shocks as she worked, but it was a small price to pay for the brand new omni-tool she now held in her hands.

She smiled and put it on, turning the old material into omni-gel.

She made herself comfortable among the merchandise and closed her eyes to get some sleep before she left the place for good.

 _I'll find you,_ she thought. _No matter what it takes._

* * *

Staying close to a group of teenagers entering a store, the red haired girl cloaked and stuffed some sandwiches in her bag.

The shopkeeper was busy watching the local news as Riley slipped out hiding behind a woman.

She didn't hear the reporter's words.

 _"T_ _he body of an unidentified young boy in his early teens was found washed up along the riverbank in the 5_ _th_ _district…"_

She sat down in a quiet corner, munching on a sandwich when she heard the soft female voice.

"Don't you know it's wrong to steal?"

Riley, who took pride in her ability to hide in the shadows, tried to hide how startled she was by staring her down.

"The world doesn't give a shit about right or wrong," she said, her voice defiant.

She wasn't afraid to get caught, she knew she would be able to escape the moment opportunity arose. But instead of turning her in, the woman smiled and held out a hand.

"If you need somewhere to stay, we have a place for you."

"No thanks," Riley said flat-out.

"It's your decision of course," said the woman. "But I'm always open to expanding my family."

"And why exactly would you want me in your family?" Riley asked. "Out of the goodness of your heart? To make sure I won't have to steal ever again?" she said in a dramatic tone.

The woman looked amused as Riley noticed the two boys standing a few feet away, watching them.

"No dear child," Lilith said. "I'm not promising you a fairy tale."

"Then what the fuck do you want lady?"

Lilith shrugged her elegant shoulders. Riley didn't want to be impressed by how she carried herself but she couldn't help it. She was beautiful, but it was the way she acted that made the impression; calm and composed, like she owned everything around her, including Riley.

"I want you to steal for _me_ ," she said. "And I'll provide food, shelter and maybe more, should you prove yourself worthy."

"I'm not coming with you," said Riley. "So what now?"

Lilith beckoned to one of the boys, and Riley reached for her pistol hidden behind her back, keeping her hand around the hilt.

The woman sent the boy away and turned back to the girl. "This is where you can find me if you change your mind," she said, handing her a datapad.

"I can see that you're capable of surviving," she added as she walked away. "But the world doesn't give a shit about lonely kids either. We take care of our own."

Riley watched her go as she ate the rest of her sandwich. She put the datapad in her bag and felt the hard plastic of the treasured toy at her fingertips.

She jumped up.

"Wait!" she yelled as she ran towards the woman. "Wait!"

Lilith stopped and turned around, surprised to see the girl. She'd expected more resistance than that, and she was rarely wrong.

"Yes?" she said. "Changed your mind already?"

"I'll do anything you ask," said Riley, panting. "If you do one thing for me."

A small, satisfied smile appeared on Lilith's lips.

"In my family, favors are earned," she said. "Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you what you need to do to get it."

* * *

Riley, 14, held the pad in her trembling hands as cold sweat poured down her body.

"No," she whispered, her hoarse voice hurting her throat as it came out.

"Is that him?"

Riley's hold tightened around the datapad as she stared at the holo of the lifeless body.

"He was drowned last year, autopsy says no foul play. All the info is there," Lilith said as she left the room. "Take your time."

Riley kept staring at the screen as her body went numb. 'Matthew Rayner, 14,' said the report with a smaller picture attached. She expanded it. The thin, emotionless face from three years ago, with his messy blonde hair falling over his eyes looked at her. The face before they'd met, before they'd helped each other.

She read the report over and over again. It didn't make any sense. How could he be dead?

But when she looked at his face again in the holo, she understood that she'd never see his smile again.

 _'Hey Rye?'_

 _'Hm?'_

 _'We should agree on something.'_

 _'What?'_

 _'When we go into the space and have all those adventures…'_

 _'Yeah?'_

 _'You won't get jealous when the asari are all over me.'_

 _Riley turned to him with an aloof expression._

 _'Why would I, when I can have all the hanar in the galaxy?'_

 _Matt almost choked laughing._

 _'Hey Rye?' he said again when he could breathe._

 _'Hm?'_

 _'I love you.'_

Riley felt every crack inside her chest as her heart broke into pieces. She knew how to live with pain, but this pain didn't go away with reasoning and it couldn't be eased with any hope.

It pierced through her body over and over again until tears began streaming down her cheeks.

As grief overwhelmed her, Riley escaped to the empty place inside her where there was no hurt, and locked herself in.

She would be safe. She would not lose.

She wouldn't let this world destroy her. This very world which was her enemy, which never welcomed her, never wanted her, which gave only to take away and make her suffer wouldn't be able to kill her.

She wanted to hurt it. She wanted to exact revenge on the world and every single person in it, and she knew where to start.

She wiped away the tears and left the room, stomping her way to Lilith.

"Can you find someone else for me?" she asked, her nails digging into her palm.

"In time," Lilith answered.

* * *

"It wasn't me," the man whimpered. "I haven't seen him for years! Please…"

"I don't care," said the young girl, cutting him across the chest with her omni blade. "You had this coming either way."

The man cried out as the girl paced. "To think you were so easy to find," she said, her contempt so strong that the words came out with difficulty. "But who gives a shit?"

"I cared for him," he wailed. "That bitch didn't treat him well, I rescued him!" he sniffled. "I loved him!"

Riley stopped her pacing and stood in front of the man who was on his knees, hands tied behind his back.

"No," she said as she leaned in and grabbed his hair, pulling his head back.

She pressed the omni blade against his skin and looked into his eyes as she slit his throat with one swift slash.

" _I_ loved him."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Again, I own nothing. Just borrowing to feed the bunnies.**

* * *

Riley waited outside the room for Lilith to call for her.

"You'll get an earful," sang Curt as he walked by.

He was right. She knew she'd get a smaller cut and she was fine with it, but Riley still hoped she could avoid the 'talk'.

Lilith didn't appreciate unnecessary violence toward the people she'd continue to do business with. Cruelty was bad for business as she'd put it, when it was not needed.

But as far as Riley was concerned, she'd just helped the man get a taste of his own medicine; and she thought that his little girl who sported a new bruise every other day would agree.

"Thorn?" said a weak voice, disrupting her thoughts. It was the nickname they'd given her, courtesy of the stupid tattoo she gave herself when she was 13. She'd wanted to get rid of both the tattoo and the nickname, but the name was already stuck, so the ink might just as well have stayed.

She turned to see Sarah sitting on a crate and let out an annoyed huff. The whiny girl had been getting on her nerves lately.

"What?" she asked.

"Do you ever think what you're going to do, like, ten years from now?"

Riley stared at her with disdain. "Yeah, because we all have the luxury to plan our rosy future," she said.

"But don't you think there's more to life than this?" Sarah insisted, on the verge of tears.

"No," Riley replied. "This is as good as it gets for people like us. So why don't you stop whining and be thankful that you're not starving to death in a goddamn corner?"

"I am thankful," Sarah said, opening her eyes wide. "But I'm tired." Then she gave her a hopeful but broken smile. "I'm turning 18 soon. Maybe I can get clean and enlist…"

Riley laughed as she walked away. "Yeah, good luck with that," she said. "Don't you have a record?"

* * *

Riley walked around the warehouse they used as a base, her hands in her pockets and her mind somewhere else.

"Thorn! Yo, Thorn!"

She turned to see Finch, the scrawny kid who followed Curt around.

"Hm?"

"Hey, I was thinking, would it be okay if I tagged along with you guys tomorrow?" he asked.

"I don't mind, but you gotta take it up with Carter," Riley replied. "But you already know it…" She gave him a questioning look.

"Yeah, I thought if you put in a good word for me—"

"Finch, Carter hates me."

Finch shrugged. "Carter hates everyone. But Lilith'll listen to you."

"You think?" Riley asked with a slight smile, surprised but pleased that he had that impression.

"'Course. Everyone knows you'll be the next big thing." He shifted his weight. "So whaddya say?"

She rubbed the back of her neck. "I'll give it a try," she said. "But don't get your hopes up."

He bobbed his head approvingly. "I knew they were wrong about you."

Riley quirked an eyebrow and Finch gave her a cheeky smile.

"Hey Finch," she called after him as he was leaving.

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen Sarah lately?"

"Nope, haven't seen her in weeks. Why?"

"No reason. Thought she could help me on another job."

"Nah, I think she's gone for good. She'd been talking about it."

"Guess so," she replied, forcing herself not to think too much. She knew she couldn't afford to care. Caring broke people. It was the worst enemy of survival.

But knowledge wasn't.

She approached a dark haired girl who was organizing supplies.

"You bunked up with Sarah right?" she asked.

"Yeah, so?" said the girl, scanning some crates.

"So do you know where she is?"

The girl stopped what she was doing, looked around and lowered her voice. "No, and I'm kinda worried," she confessed. "She showed up at the apartment all dolled up and high as a kite a month ago, said Lilith had a job for her. Haven't seen her since. I asked Lilith too but she told me…" She paused to think. "She told me that when kids want to leave the nest the mother should let them go, or some shit like that. I couldn't get a straight answer."

"Huh," said Riley, looking thoughtful. She turned to leave as the girl grabbed her arm.

"You'll tell me if you hear anything, right?" she asked, and Riley felt the panic rising in her as the girl's anxious eyes threatened to break the walls around her conscience.

 _I don't want to relate. I don't want to care._

"Yeah, sure," she said as she hurried away.

* * *

Riley was doing sit-ups when she heard her name.

"Thorn."

She stopped and saw Carter standing over her. She reached for the towel and sat up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," said the young man. He was the oldest among them and Lilith's first lieutenant. "Lilith told me to fetch you. You'll have lunch with her."

She got on her feet and Carter openly sized her up.

"Get cleaned up and be here in 20 minutes. I'll drive you."

Riley gave an unsure nod. Since when Lilith needed a ceremony to summon her?

After cleaning up, getting dressed and enduring half an hour of tense silence with Carter, she was sitting at the table with Lilith in a small, empty café.

She inspected her surroundings before turning to the woman with an expectant look.

Lilith smiled.

"Relax Riley," she said, surprising her. She'd gotten so used to the nickname that her real one was a stranger to her ears. She didn't even think anyone knew it.

"As far as I know," Lilith continued, "You haven't done anything to deserve punishment." She took a sip from her glass. "You don't need to be nervous."

"This is unusual," the girl said. "That's all."

"I know. But I wanted to talk to you about your future, so some formality is appropriate."

Riley felt heavier where she sat, as if the ground was trying to pull her down. "What about my future?" she asked.

"I'm thinking of expanding the family further. My sources inform me about some weak spots in the city, ripe for a takeover."

"That's good," Riley said.

Lilith nodded. "And to accomplish that, I need the very best among us."

Riley's palms were getting warmer as she put them on her lap.

"You are talented Riley," Lilith said. "I want to put that talent into good use."

Alarm knotted the girl's insides, but she smiled.

"But of course, you'll need some grooming first. The kind of position I'm talking about isn't one for a thug."

"I understand," Riley replied. "Thank you," she added as an afterthought.

Lilith stood up. "I'll have to leave you now, but feel free to stay and finish your lunch." She leaned forward to give the girl a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later at the base."

Riley's heart was already pounding when Lilith stopped at the door. "Oh, and one more thing," she said. "I like that you're concerned about your fellow family members, but never forget that I care about you all and I'd never let anything happen to any of you." She gave the girl a dangerous look. "You know this firsthand, don't you?"

Riley stared down into her plate. "Of course I do."

"Because if I didn't," Lilith said, "I wouldn't go to the trouble of hiding skeletons in my closet." She let out a curt laugh. "Almost literally," she added in an amused tone before she walked out the door.

Riley waited until she couldn't hear her steps, then she downed both hers and Lilith's remaining wine.

Her hands were shaking and she felt sick.

 _Wasn't this what I wanted?_ she thought, and couldn't answer her own question.

 _'_ _Don't you think there's more to life than this?'_

She'd been quick to dismiss Sarah that day, but now the question whirled around in her head, making her dizzy.

 _Did I always think I'd get out before I was in too deep?_

Riley Shepard, 17, wasn't stupid. She could see how Lilith manipulated people and how she exploited their weaknesses, but she had no problems with it.

Most people opted to be deaf, blind and mute as long as they stayed safe. Shaking their sense of security was doing them a service, it was a wakeup call.

She'd kept telling herself that if justice did not exist, it couldn't be wrong to try creating balance.

But her justifications rang hollow even to hear own ears.

 _It's too late for me. I know what I have done._

Even if she'd changed her mind, what other choice did she have left?

 _'_ _We'll see the real thing one day. The stars, the planets, the whole universe.'_

She poured herself another glass of wine.

 _No we won't, Mattie. You're dead, and I'm a murderer._

So what if Lilith used them? Didn't she also care for them?

 _But why mention the skeletons in the closet? Doesn't she trust me?_

Didn't she protect them?

 _What really happened to Sarah?_

Didn't she?

* * *

Lilith's office at the base was off limits, so Riley had planned to wait until dusk to sneak in with the copy of Carter's stolen keycard.

But about 15 minutes after Lilith left, she saw no reason to wait any longer and entered the office, locking the door from inside.

The space was small and neat with a desk by the window, some special delivery crates next to the file cabinet and a couple of chairs.

She went through the drawers, but found that Lilith kept nothing inside the office; the stacks of datapads in the cabinet were all wiped clean.

She tapped on the walls in the hopes of finding a secret compartment, but there was none. _No wonder she doesn't give a shit about security_ , she thought.

She was about to leave when she heard muffled voices growing clearer with approaching footsteps.

She cloaked and hid behind the crates, holding her breath. The cloak only lasted a couple of minutes and the room was too small for this to end well, but she stayed still and hoped for the best.

The door opened, and Lilith entered followed by a middle aged man.

"Sit," Lilith commanded as she sat at her desk. The man obeyed.

"You know I don't appreciate you showing yourself around here," she said. "I prefer to keep our deals separate from what I do here."

The man squirmed in the chair. "I thought you'd want to know that things went smoothly."

Lilith looked at him with apparent disgust. "You delivered her last week," she said. "A month later than we'd agreed. Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"No, no, I wasn't trying to dupe you, see? If I'd sent her right away she'd make a mess, I knew it. She'd cause trouble. She needed more time."

"More time for you to pimp her out and make some extra credits on the side? Don't try to fool me Frank. This is sensitive business. If I send someone to you; I need them to disappear, not to be paraded around."

She leaned forward as the man drew back.

"Is this why you're bothering me at his hour? You came to apologize?" She smiled. "Or are you trying to find out what's in store for you?"

The man gulped as beads of sweat materialized on his forehead. "I'm so sorry. It'll never happen again. I'll make the next delivery for free."

"You'll make the next five deliveries for free, and you'll remember that I won't forgive a next time," Lilith said. "I'm only letting this slide because I value our partnership and because this was your first blunder."

"Yes, yes of course. Whatever you want Lilith. Thank you," said the man, sagging with relief.

"Now go," she said, and the man jumped up. "And don't ever come here again."

"I'll leave right now. Thank you," the man repeated and hurried out the door without looking back.

Riley stayed frozen, the sudden silence threatening to expose her. Lilith rose from her seat and stood in the middle of the room, letting out a bored sigh.

"Cal, Sam; come in for a minute," she called.

The young men entered.

"Follow him," she ordered. "You know what to do." She made a dismissive motion with her hand.

"Don't go too far," she added as they walked out the door.

After what seemed to be a lifetime, Lilith too left and Riley made her escape, with more questions than answers.

* * *

Kathleen Baker; who called herself Lilith; hated her real name. That name was associated with hunger, weakness, powerlessness; and Lilith had no intention of being powerless or being reminded of her past again.

She'd had to work hard for everything she had and she'd gone through every hardship imaginable to achieve what she wanted. She would die before she let anyone ruin what she'd built.

Lilith was cautious, bordering on paranoia and she never forgot to listen, to observe, to gather data and to predict.

And as her eyes followed Riley, she predicted that the girl would cause trouble.

It was such a pity; she'd had high hopes for her. She hated having to waste such a rare talent and her calloused heart tingled when she thought how dull it would be without the girl.

But she could see no other way.

Riley was damaged, just like the rest of them. What set her apart was her resistance to belonging, the distance she kept between herself and the others.

She was strong and most of the times she did as she was told, but Lilith never felt she'd established her complete authority over her.

She was aware that the girl had a weakness for her, most of her kids did, but at the end of the day Riley Shepard only did what she wanted to do.

But Lilith still would have made an exception for her it that was all.

The girl's insatiable desire for justice was the problem. It might have been tainted by grief and anger, and it might have been lost inside the lust for vengeance, but it was there.

Vengeance could have been sated, but it hadn't given the girl what she'd sought and her frustration had turned into fury.

She was dangerous.

That kind of rage with no real target could not be contained for long. It was bound to explode and burn everything in the close vicinity.

Lilith took a deep breath before she beckoned to her.

* * *

Riley had stopped counting her repetitions in the middle of her workout. She'd started the exercise to clear her mind, but it wasn't working.

She'd decided to forget about what she'd heard the night she'd snuck in Lilith's office, but her brain wasn't playing along.

Who was that man, a pimp? Who were they talking about? They'd used the word 'delivery', but they were talking about people. If Lilith wanted to make someone disappear, why wouldn't she use more straightforward methods?

They were not assassins, but Riley knew from experience that Lilith wasn't a stranger to the concept.

She dropped the weights and sat on the bench. As she reached for the water, she felt someone watching her and looked across the room to see Lilith.

She smiled and beckoned to her. Riley stood up, grabbed her towel and complied.

She followed the woman into her office and noted that the crates were gone, feeling grateful for her luck. She sat down.

"Remember what we'd talked about?" she asked. "About you getting more involved in our upcoming operations?"

"Of course," Riley replied, feigning excitement.

"Good, because I think the time has come for your transition."

Riley coughed and cleared her throat. "What do I have to do?" she asked.

"You'll meet one of my sources tonight. He's familiar with the area I have my eye on, and he knows some of the key people who might be of use to us. Your job is to get friendly with them, earn their trust and gather information."

She reached for the large bag under the table and put the box inside it on the desk.

"If all goes well, this will be a long term assignment," she said and pushed the box toward her. "This is yours."

Riley opened the box and held the little red dress up in front of her, turning it around as if trying to understand an alien device. "What the fuck is this?" she asked.

"It is for you," Lilith said, her voice and features stern. "You will wear it tonight."

Then she softened her tone and added, "You can't hide in the shadows forever Riley. It is time for you to learn how to hide in plain sight."

She leaned in and wiped the dirt from her cheek, letting her hand linger. Riley gulped, feeling a lump growing in her throat.

"I won't let you down," she said as the woman's hand left her face.

"It goes without saying that I'm not expecting you to do anything you're not comfortable with," Lilith said.

"I know."

"Now go, you don't have much time to get ready."

Riley put the dress back in the box and got up.

"Wish me luck," she said with a smile.

"Good luck," said Lilith and sighed. "My little diamond in the rough."

* * *

Riley walked towards the rendezvous point in the red dress, feeling like a clown.

Something felt wrong about all this.

But this job was supposed to be different, and a lot of things felt wrong lately, so Riley chose to blame her distracted mind.

She wasn't used to wearing heels but she did her best as she unwittingly swayed her hips and got some whistles from men old enough to be her father, or even grandfather.

She gritted her teeth, cloaked and tried to amuse herself thinking one of those men could actually _be_ her father.

When she reached the hotel where they were supposed to meet, she stopped, spotting the man who fit the description in front of the building.

"Hi," she called and waved at the man as he turned around; and Riley knew at that moment that she was set up.

 _Frank._

"Hello," said Frank as he approached her.

Riley straightened up, not letting her fear consume her and she fought her urge to kick him in the nuts as he looked her up and down with a smirk on his face.

 _That man, that conversation, Sarah…_

Now it all made sense.

"You must be Riley," he said, holding out a hand. "I'm Frank."

 _'_ _Sarah showed up at the apartment all dolled up, said Lilith had a job for her…'_

She shook his hand.

 _No. Lilith wouldn't to this,_ she tried to convince herself. _Not this. Not to me, not to any of us._

But when it came to her own survival, Riley trusted only her instincts.

"That's me," she said, smiling. "What's the plan?"

"We'll be having a party," said Frank. "Take this key card and go up to room 617. Our guests should arrive soon."

He winked at her. "Feel free to help yourself to anything you find in the room. I'll join you after I make a call."

"Whatever you say," she said. "If Lilith trusts you, so do I. But I don't think I'll help myself to anything. I prefer to be clear headed on a job."

Frank forced a smile. "Good girl," he said as she went inside the hotel.

Riley got into the elevator and breathed in and out to calm down. She went one floor up, took off her high heels and took the stairs down.

She found Frank in the alley behind the hotel, pacing as he checked his pad. She readied her omni tool, cloaked and approached him from behind, tasing him until he passed out.

Half an hour later, Riley was pointing Frank's pistol at him. He was tied to a chair in the abandoned building where Riley used to squat before her time with the Reds. His lower lip was split open and the skin around his left eye grew darker by the minute.

"You little bitch! You'll pay for this!"

Riley lowered the gun to his groin. "I won't ask you again," she said with a level voice.

"I sold that whore to the batarians! It was her idea!"

"Huh," she said as she casually broke one of his fingers. His scream echoed off the walls.

"Is that what you were going to do to me too? After you were finished with me?" she asked. "Was I included in your fee?"

He didn't answer her, but she already knew. Lilith hadn't dressed her up for the batarians.

"Well, surprise!" she yelled frantically and hit him in the face with the butt of the pistol. "You got more than you bargained for!" She took a step back and stared at him.

"Now, tell me the details," she said, mimicking Lilith.

* * *

Riley stopped once again to throw up on her way to a base location she'd learned from Frank.

She'd thought she knew every base they had, and she cursed her naivety when she saw two of the Reds at the front door.

She was at the right place.

She watched them from afar, no plan in mind and no idea what she was doing.

 _I should run. I should vanish._

But she had nowhere else to go. Even if Lilith didn't pursue her, what could she do?

Run and steal for the rest of her life?

 _'_ _But I'm tired.'_

She at least wanted an explanation. She needed to hear it from her.

Hiding in the shadows, she looked for another entrance. Cloaking didn't last long, and she couldn't afford to make errors timing the cooldown.

When she found the back door, she paused to catch her breath before she entered. The layout suggested that the building had been an office; and she used the cubicles to hide as she searched for Lilith.

At the end of the hall she saw Carter standing in front of a door. She took a deep breath, cloaked and ran; her movement alerting him to a presence; but before he could take action Riley appeared before him.

"Thorn? What the hell—" he began, but was interrupted as she closed his mouth with one hand while simultaneously her omni tool made contact with his neck. She held him before he fell on the floor, lay him down quietly and entered the room, closing the door behind her.

Lilith looked up from her desk. She sat expressionless only for a few seconds before she got up. "Riley," she hissed, walking towards her.

Riley pointed Frank's pistol at her with shaking hands. "Keep your voice down," she said as Lilith froze. "And that's close enough."

"Ah," Lilith uttered. "I should have known that idiot wouldn't be able to handle you."

"That idiot didn't have a chance. I knew as soon as I saw him."

"I should have shipped you off myself," said Lilith with a touch of pride in her voice.

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because it was you," she said. "I didn't want to see that pretty eyes of yours looking at me like they do now." She took a step forward.

"Don't move," warned Riley.

"I liked you Riley. I really did. And I wanted you by my side. We could have been a real family, if only you weren't so angry… I couldn't let that anger turn on me."

"How could you?" Riley asked, her voice breaking. "How could you do that to Sarah? She was one of yours! Why didn't you just kill us Lilith?"

"Why would I, when there's profit to be made?" the woman said. "Do we really have to do this Riley? I've always hated the theatrics. And honestly, I don't think you have it in you to kill me." She looked into her eyes. "I know what you've been through after that man."

Riley's heart beat violently and she felt sick again. Lilith was right. She hadn't killed Frank either. She'd come close, but in the end she wasn't able to carry out another execution.

She lowered the gun, shook her head and looked at Lilith; broken, lost and helpless.

Lilith closed the gap between them and put her arm around Riley. She dropped the gun; put her head on Lilith's shoulder and began to sob, letting all her pain loose.

"It's okay," Lilith whispered and stroked her hair, and she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. Lilith pulled out the omni blade and held Riley closer as she said, "My stubborn little pet," in her ear before she stabbed her again.

She stepped away as the girl collapsed on the floor.

"It'll be over soon," she whispered.

And Riley wanted it to be over. Death would be her salvation, her atonement, her freedom from it all.

As she bled out, she thought of the two years she'd spent with Matt. The only time she'd known happiness, the only memory she treasured. How he'd taught her to dream again and how he'd made her feel hopeful when she didn't even know hope existed; hope for something better, after all _he_ had been through.

 _'_ _Hey Mattie?'_

 _'_ _Hm?'_

 _'_ _Why did you keep following me around when we'd first met?'_

 _Silence, then a slight shrug._

 _'_ _You looked like you needed a friend.'_

 _I'm so sorry Mattie._

Her eyes were losing focus, but she could still see Lilith moving in slow motion.

 _'_ _He'd be better off dead.'_

 _No_ , she thought. _No, he mattered._

She was feeling colder by the second.

 _And I mattered to him. I can't die, not now, not like this._ _I'll see the stars._

She felt Frank's gun under her weight. "Kathleen!" she called out with a final strength.

Lilith turned around upon hearing the hated name, her face twisted with fury.

Her expression froze on her face as Riley put a bullet between her eyes.

The next thing she knew was Cal storming into the room with a dazed Carter behind him. She grabbed his collar as he bent down to check her vitals.

"Don't let me die. I have evidence. You don't want me dead."

The few following days were a grotesque blur.

When she'd gained consciousness she was beaten until she lost it again, rinse and repeat.

"Where?" she remembered them asking, "Who?"

After a while, she started feeding them nonsense, weaving a web of lies.

"If I don't make contact in a week, they'll send the evidence to the Alliance."

When Riley regained some of her strength she made a break for it. She was a deformed figure of blue and black with internal bleeding when she reached the medical facility, and she was declared dead twice due to complications from her poorly treated wounds; but the girl kept coming back, repeating the same words over and over.

"I'll see the stars."

* * *

Riley Shepard, 18, sat in the waiting room; one hand in her pocket, constantly shaking her leg and annoying the people around her, but she didn't seem to notice.

Turned out most of the Reds had no idea about Lilith's backdoor operations, just her lieutenants. She'd put up the façade of a caring guardian to keep them loyal all the while she made regular shipments to the slavers; mostly kids who couldn't make it to the Reds, and the occasional troublemaker Lilith felt she needed to get rid of.

When Riley dropped the anonymous tip to the Alliance about the batarian slaver operations; she only gave specific names and did not involve the gang name, giving the clueless bastards a small window of opportunity to run.

Most of them were just like her after all, she had only realized too late; a bunch of lost, angry kids trying to survive, to find a safe place; and there were just too many people out there who would use them for their own gains.

She had been blind and selfish, so consumed with hatred and self-pity that she hadn't allowed herself to connect with anyone, to help anyone.

After losing Matt, she'd let her grief and her guilt define her instead of seeing what the boy actually did for her. He'd taken her hand and made her feel like a person, he'd made her feel alive.

He'd given her something to fight for, and the strength to fight for it.

They had laughed at her at the foster home when she'd said she wanted to see the galaxy. She was only five years old. She had thought all those cruel words, those spiteful people, those more than harsh conditions had snuffed the dreams out one by one.

But that fire inside her was rekindled by hope, and now she knew she could start over.

It was time to make amends, for the people she'd hurt, for the people she could have helped, and for herself.

It wasn't going to be easy, but she at least had to try to make a difference.

 _It's time for me to find out who I really am._

"Riley Shepard!" called the officer at the Alliance recruiting center. She stood up, took SSV Sparrowhawk out of her pocket and put it on the side table. "Thank you," she whispered, took a deep breath and followed the officer.


End file.
